What's In A Name?

I know I've been a little silent of late, so, inspired by the recent example of my buddy Caro, I thought I'd browse the blogthings site to see if I could post something a little light-hearted to tide over anyone who might happen to be reading this blog on even a quasi-regular basis.

I came across the "quiz" "What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?" I thought it sounded sufficiently innocuous to post on this blog. Here's the result:

What Brendan Means

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I must say, the results surprised me a little, so being the analysis junkie I am, I thought we could explore this outcome a little more. Line by line, as it were.

The first five statements of paragraph one demonstrate immediately that whoever compiled this little "secret hidden meaning" gizmo knows jack shite about Yours Truly. In the words of Edmund Blackadder, I'm about as energetic, spirited, and boisterous as an asthmatic ant with a load of heavy shopping. Who are they talking about? Me, the lumpen proletariat extraordinaire - or some git who exists only in the imagination of an adrenalin junkie hopped to the eyeballs on NoDoze and Red Bull? The only sentence in this para that bears any resemblance to moi is that, yes, on occasion I am wont to get a mite tetchy. Aside from that, however, it's like looking in the mirror and seeing not me but Bruce McAvaney (shudder).

For para two, read as per above, especially the drivel about having a ton of energy. I have about as much energy as a solar panel hidden down a mineshaft. Rebel? Cranky, maybe. Cantankerous, possibly. Curmudgeounly (a word employed often by my Dearly Beloved) probably. But rebellious? Benedict Arnold was more rebellious than I am. I do get into trouble - but that's probably a consequence of the manifold defects of my personality, not as a result of any spirit of rebelliousness. And as for the trouble being "fun" - well, it's clear to me that whoever wrote this blogquiz has the same sense of "fun" as the Maquis de Sade or the Spanish Inquisition...

Para three is interesting only because it largely contradicts the preceeding two paragraphs. I don't know anyone who bounces off walls and thinks parachuting off buildings is fun who is also friendly, charming and warm. From memory, Noel Coward got about in an evening gown, a pipe, and a pair of comfy slippers, not a backpack full of energy bars and a sketchy, second-hand map of the amazon jungle. Get along with anyone - who are they kidding? To me, the word "friend" denotes only two things: one, a word in Tarzan's severly limited vocabulary; and, two, the title of the most overrated show in television history. Sorry, three things: as the old saying goes, a friend in need is someone to be avoided. I try not to rock the boat? Um, doesn't that really contradict the stuff about me being a huge rebel? And my "easy going" attitude clears buildings quicker than you could say "Who's that guy in reception who looks like Osama bin Laden?" Flaky? Irresponsible? They've obviously have mistaken these words as similies for indifferent...

Para four was much closer to the truth. Yes, I am wise. Yes, I understand the world better than most people. That's exactly why most people don't like me. Pure, unrestrained jealousy. And, yes, I am very imaginative. I have imaginary friends. I see them all the time. They talk to me...But then they lost the plot. Paranoid? Me? Listen, buddy, it's true: they are out to get me, and everyone does hate me, okay? Just because I'm unpopular doesn't mean I'm paranoid. And, no, that guy in the pub the other night wasn't just ordering two drinks...he was making a secret signal to all his cohorts in the Ancient Grand Order of Woollen Vests and Sock Suspenders that the Great Day of Apotheosis is nigh...

The next para reckons I'm balanced, ordely, and organised...uh-huh, this is the guy they just described as over-imaginative and paranoid, right? The bloke who gets a tad too upset on occassion and usually needs to be tied into his chair he's so hyperactive? I could have told them if they'd only bothered to consult with me that the only reason I remotely resemble order is because I'm so static. Being able to occupy the same space for a geological age may present the illusion that I'm cool, calm, and collected, but once you look past the encrusting lichen you'll realise that motionlessness is simply - motionlessness. Powerful and competent - in the workplace? I'm not even powerful and competent in my wildest dreams! And can someone please explain to me what the hell work is? Stubborn, headstrong, powerful personality - see, I told you: I'm the literal immoveable object.

And finally, we come to the last para that tells me I'm strong and confident and like the best of everything - isn't perfectionist just a synonym for whinging git? - and that I exude more authority than a fully tooled-up battle group bristling with tactical nukes and a nasty hangover. Again, what happened to paranoid? Or is confidence just paranoia that doesn't recognise itself? And what the bejeezers is a "Type A" personality. I don't even know what my blood type is, let alone my personality "type". For all I know, "Type A" personalities could denote anyone who thinks "The A Team" was the pinnacle of 80s television and that mohawks on aging African-American he-men is an appealing look. And even I'm not that sad. Well, not completely...

Final diagnosis: this thing's a crock. But I guess we already knew that. It provided a laugh, and a forum for me to get a few things off my chest. So if you'll just excuse me, I'm off to talk to my imaginative friends about all the people who hate me. In a calm and authoritive manner, while planning my next crazy escapade around the Andes Mountains.

Talk to you soon,

BB.

Quote for the Day: Mediocrites are people who are always at their best. (Somerset Maugham)