Cop Out

Is it just me, or are "police dramas" and murder mysteries set in sleepy country towns really stupid?

No disrespect intended, but I frankly find it impossible to believe that some tiny hamlet could have everything happening in it ranging from a terrorist attack to a serial killer, and every other form of disaster in between. Not that stuff doesn't happen in country towns, hell, I know for sure that every now and then serial killers and other assorted nasties do turn up in the boondocks. But week after week, and with such consistent regularity and variety? I don't think so!

And, yes, I know, it's meant to be fiction, and fiction involves the suspension of disbelief. But part of being able to facilitate that suspension is making the overall scenario sufficiently realistic that the viewing audience can thus accomodate any "fantasy" elements. It's a tricky, but nonetheless necessary, little paradox. And I'm afraid that asking me to believe that there's a country town where, week in and week out, dramatic and powerful events take place (sufficient, at any rate, to warrant the attention of the wallopers and result in someone being killed) is just stupid.

I mean, let's look at a couple of these scenarios. The first is the country town where people seem to be dropping like flies, only for the local plod or some other inbred denizen of the region to work out that it was murder, whodunnit, and why. Now, a couple of issues arise. Firstly, if you lived in a place where all this concentrated fatality was happening, wouldn't you just get the hell out? I know I would. Hey, call me a coward if you like, but I'd prefer to have a complete skin than be valiant and deceased. And how come these killings always relate to some long-kept secret, such as an illigitimate child or a lost inheretance? Doesn't anyone just kill in a blind fury anymore? On second thoughts, if these people were my neighbours, I think I'd kill them all in a blind fury just for being so unutterably tedious.

The second scenario is the country town which seems to have such an awfully bad run of luck, what with the bushfires and floods and toxic waste spills, not to mention the escaped criminals and run-away illegal immigrants, and all those pesky children of media moguls who've decided to go into hiding because they just can't hack the high life any more. Fortunately, the crew of local coppers are on hand, keeping everything in order and sending those nasty city types packing, just like they deserve. Never mind that the local sergeant looks more like a sumo grand master, and the perky young blond thing is about as convincing a copper as I am an Elizabethan dandy. Those cunning crims and annoying natural disasters are no match for our dynamic duo...hell, I'm convinced, aren't you?

Look, I know it's not meant to be serious, but why can't they at least credit their audiences with some measure of intelligence? Especially these whodunnits where everyone gets bumped off - except the one person who's actually trying to solve the mystery! Gimme a break! And no, there's nothing "charming" about the whole farce just because it's set in some pretty country village or swish European locale; that, if anything, just makes it all the more tedious. Afterall, hasn't the dark-deeds-lurking-behind-beautiful-exteriors motif been pushed just a tad far?

Never mind Murder, She Wrote - try Boring, She Wrote, or Tedious, She Wrote, or Obvious, She Wrote, or Formulaic, She Wrote - or Boringly Tediously Obviously Formulaic, She Wrote. At least you'd know you weren't being asked to accept the unbelievable.

Talk to you soon,

BB

Quote for the Day: Television is a medium - because it's neither rare nor well done. (Ernie Kovacs)