Life involves certain inevitabilities.
Someone else always takes the last after-dinner mint. There's never anyone around when you have something brilliantly witty to say. The perfect come-back occurs to you hours after you've been insulted. Toilet rolls are impossible to unwind.
No kidding. And I know what you're thinking: what could be easier than unwinding a roll of toilet paper? Afterall, millions of people do it all over the world, every day.
Yeah, well, other people don't get my toilet paper. Now don't get squeamish on me: I'm talking about toilet paper immediately after it's been taken out of its plastic wrapper.
Every roll I get always comes with the first ply of paper sealed down to the rest of the roll. So no problem, you say: just unpeel it, and the rest is child's play. Except for the fact that once I've unwound the roll a single circuit, I discover that the spot immediately under the first ply is also stuck down to the rest of the roll.
Why do they do this? I can understand sealing down the first ply; afterall, you don't want the whole roll of paper unravelling in its packaging. But why is the corresponding ply for the next half dozen circuits also sealed down? What do they think is going to happen - that some toilet roll gremlin is going to sneak into the master toilet roll repository and unwind ever damn roll in the place? Okay, so accidents happen; seals come unstuck, so it pays to be cautious. I could understand if they sealed the relevant ply on the second circuit - but the next half dozen as well?
I mean, would it be that much of a disaster if the occasional roll unwound in the packaging? Hell, speaking for myself, I would be positively delighted to remove a roll of toilet paper from the package to find the end flapping loosely in the breeze. No problem: straight on the dispenser and straight into action!
But nooooo - every roll of paper Yours Truly gets his hands on is stuck down for layer after layer after layer. Which means lots of fiddling and muttering and swearing as I try and unstick each layer; because - and you know what I'm talking about - one loop of paper is never enough.
So then I only make things worse by trying to be clever. You'd think I learn, wouldn't you? I try and circumvent the seals by tearing laterally across the roll of paper to a depth of several circuits, the idea being that if I get down to a level which doesn't have a seal, I'll be able to unwind the roll at ease. All I end up with are lots of half circuits of paper - and a bloody roll that's still sealed!
*Sigh*
Once - just once - I'd like to buy a brand of toilet paper that was easy to unroll. I mean - and I'm not going to get into gruesome details - there are times when ease of unroll makes a heck of a difference to my day. Especially the morning after the evening I consumed a super-hot Mexicana pizza with extra jalapeno peppers!
So here's a heartfelt plea to the manufacturers of loo rolls everywhere: can you please, please, please find a way of making user-friendly toilet paper? If customer satisfaction means anything to you guys, you'll really make my day if you can see your way clear to producing toilet paper that doesn't double as confetti!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Capitalism: survival of the fattest. (Anonymous)
About Me
- BB
- BB spent the better part of two decades in the trade union movement in various capacities, and is presently undertaking a Bachelor of Theology degree. In 2010, he and his Dearly Beloved will be in their 3rd and final year as candidates to the ordained ministry of the Uniting Church in Australia. He also has pretensions to literary ability and recently self-published his first novel. BB lists his major influences as: Homer Simpson, Daffy Duck, Edmund Blackadder and Marcus Aurelius. BB maintains two blogs: the Comfy Couch, and The Still Circle, located at www.stillcircle.wordpress.com
5 comments:
I hear your frustration, brother, and recommend Sorbent brand, which works for me.
A number of years ago, I decided that life is too short to buy el cheapo toilet paper, because where is the economy in buying the cheaper stuff if you just have to use more of it to prevent the dreaded 'finger breakthrough'? (for this same reason, I also refuse to use the latest Kleenex
'cottonelle' fad which is far too thin to be of any use)
But I am happy with Sorbent, and it even has scented varieties (I'm sure you'd love your bog to smell of lavender or rose, wouldn't you, BB? :-)
My Darling!!
You have far too much time on your hands!!
Love you lots,
SB
well, my dear, you'll be pleased to know that I'll be spending the next two weks emersed in study for my Greek exam...
YEEECH - TOO MUCH INFO, CARO!!!!
Sorry BB, sometimes I forget myself :-) But something I do want to add to this discussion is my own gripe relating to the seemingly total inability of some people to change toilet rolls. So often, when I go to the ladies' room at the CTM, there is either an empty roll on the holder (what's wrong with the person who uses the last sheet of bog paper and doesn't put a new one on the holder? There are ALWAYS spares in the cubicles!) or else someone has unwrapped a new roll and placed it on top of the spent one, without removing/replacing.
Now I could understand this latter behaviour if there was a rocket science degree or similar (or a key) required to change the roll over, but the CTM toilets are very well designed so that anyone- even an other-worldly professor of theology- could change a toilet roll.
Grrr... makes me see red!
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