| You Are Low Key and Relaxed |
 You are a dynamic, vibrant person. You aren't afraid to pursue your passions. When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy. You prefer change to come slowly. You need a long transition period when your life changes. You find novelty to be the most comforting thing in the world. You love anything that's new or unusual. Your ideal day is chill and uneventful. You prefer to kick back and take it easy. You tend to live in the moment. You enjoy whatever is going on, and you don't obsess over the past or future. |
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Well, Autumn Is My Favourite Time of Year...
I Make People Feel Good About Themselves?
| You Are Modest and Nurturing |
 When You Are Comfortable or in a Social Setting: You are a shy, quiet person. Underneath your shell, you are compassionate and giving. People find you to be friendly and welcoming. Your home is a place of comfort to them. When You Are At Your Best: You are quite quirky, and you enjoy doing things your own way. You are optimistic, and you've always got a good idea brewing. People find you to be positive and uplifting. You make people feel good about themselves. |
Well, People Always Say I Spend Too Much Time In My Head...
| You Are Mind |
 If you dream it, then you can do it. You are very mentally sharp and strong. You enjoy challenging yourself both at work and with studies. You love mastering difficult tasks. You thrive in new environments, even stressful ones. You are able to study everything objectively. You have a upbeat attitude, and won't be deterred easily. You are open minded and optimistic about the future. |
More Flattery From Blog Things!
| You Are the Artist |
 You are unique and inspired. You aren't happy unless you are making art of some sort. Almost anything can be a catalyst for your creativity. You find the whole world stimulating. You have beautiful visions, and you're good at expressing them. You like people to see what you see. You also have an inventor's spirit. You're always thinking up new ideas and concepts. |
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Okay, So Maybe Now They're Starting To Get A Bit Carried Away...
| You Are A Thoughtful Idealist |
 You have no problem diving into new experiences. You're so brave that you don't even notice how courageous you are. You like to think that people see you as intellectual and wise. You consider yourself to be very smart. You are a very romantic person. You can't help but see the world as it should be. Right now, stress occasionally makes you feel trapped in your life. You usually have a clear perspective on things though! Overall, your life is very peaceful - if not a little solitary. Much of what goes on goes on in your head. You are extremely optimistic about the future. You feel like things are always getting better. |
How Did They Know?
Nuff said!
You Are a Playwright |
 You are a highly literate wordsmith. You love both reading and writing. You are also a natural storyteller. You can turn a mediocre anecdote into a riveting tale. You find people and all aspects of life fascinating. No topic is off limits for you. In modern times, you would make a good filmmaker or novelist. |
And The Good News Just Keeps Rolling In...
| You Are Factual |
 You are amazingly analytical. You can make sense of chaos without involving your emotions. If anything, you tend to be overly logical. It's sometimes hard for you to come to a decision, because you're too busy weighing all the options. People turn to you in times of trouble. They know that they can trust you to give good, well thought out advice. |
I Knew It Was True
Faffing about on one of the Blog Quiz sites, I came across the quiz "Are You A Jerk?". Once I'd stopped laughing, I took the quiz and hey, presto! It told me what I already knew - I'm a great guy! And here's the proof:
You Are Not a Jerk |
 You treat everyone as fairly as possible. You think it's important to be good to people. You may feel like being rude at times, but you hold back. You are civilized. While you are considerate, you don't go overboard. You only show others the same respect you'd expect. Those who want to take advantage of you may accuse you of being a jerk, but in truth, they're the real jerks! |
Hey, it's not my fault. Read it and weep, jerk!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Cracking Up
Ever since God invented female comedians (and some say Eve was the first), women have been getting huge chuckles at men's expense over the phenomenon commonly known as "plumber's crack". This is the apparently natural law that states that any tradesman (especially plumbers and electricians) will inevitably expose the upper portions of their backside (and, in particular, the "crack" by which their "cheeks" are divided) whenever they bend over - such exposure usually occurring in the immediate vicinity of a woman, who is thereby justified in subsequently relating the experience of her exposure to masculine slobishness to all her girlfriends (accompanied, of course, by the requisite scornful sarcasm and sense of existential superiority).
This phenomenon, however, has developed a life of its own and extended its scope beyond tradesblokes to men in general - especially men of a particular girth who vainly or foolishly try to convince themselves they are still capable of wearing pants in their teenage size range, and who thus invariably expose more of themselves than the rest of the population cares to see. It's sad, I know, and painful to view: if some dude has to have a mid life crisis, why can't he get a comb-over or buy a Harley? Why does he have to parade in skin tight jeans, exposing all and sundry to the back of his front every time he bends down to tie his shoelaces?
And so it gives me no pleasure at all to tell you that women are well and truly in on the act. No doubt, many of you are already aware of this, but I can convey the news from a unique perspective: that of the petrol station console operator. Not only do we get to see more "plumbette's crack" than is good for us, we get to see it in its particular and varied species. Ever since Brittany Spears started poncing about in "hipster" jeans singing thinly disguised songs about sex while pretending she was still an annoyingly cute and innocent Mouseketeer (and really, did any of us believe that for a microsecond?), hordes of women and teenage girls have been brainlessly copying her bad taste and traumatising the general population as a result. And trust me, they come in all sorts, to wit:
The fashion tragic. These come in two sorts: the big (or even just average) sized girl who refuses to believe she looks bad wearing hipster jeans; and the masochists, the ones who are clearly in a good deal of physical pain from wearing tight-fitting pants, but who would be in even greater mental anguish if they thought for a minute they might wear something comfortable but unfashionable (or apparently "unsexy"). The former usually compound their error by wearing one of those body-hugging tops that only just manages to cover their midriff, leaving you wondering if the folks at Life. Be In It managed to clone a twin sister out of Norm's excess body fat. The latter usually have the fixed smile and glazed eyes of a person whom you just know is frantically telling herself I'm in pain but it's okay; I'm in pain but it's okay; I'm in pain but it's okay and who, in her more self-aware moments, is beginning to wonder why she's getting abdominal cramps even though it's not time for her period. The former are sad: you want to grab them and shake them until they understand that they can look good without the hipsters and the belly-overhang that is the preserve of pregnant women and truckies. The latter are potentially tragic and make you long for a government advertising campaign highlighting the damage to be done to spleen and kidney and other vital internal organs by inappropriately tight attire.
The wedgie. This appears to be a uniquely feminine variation on the "plumbette's crack": the woman who combines high-riding undies with low-riding jeans. The result is a strip of undie (sometimes quite a large strip of undie) peeking over the top of the pants waistband. No doubt, for knicker fetishists, this is a dream come true: no need to pinch undies off a woman's clothes line, she'll just parade them for you, risk free. And the other thing I've noticed is that the undies in question always seem to be pale blue. No kidding; just as it invariably appears that the butt framing the "plumber's crack" is pale, hairy, and heftily on the larger-than-life scale, so the wedgie variant of "plumbette's crack" invariably involves blue undies. Don't ask me why; I don't know. I figure it must be some sort of natural law, like gravity. And don't call me weird, either; you notice this sort of thing when you're a console operator. And besides, you should be asking these women why they feel it necessary to expose their undergarments in public!
The drunk. This individual is not only the bottom-feeder of the "plumbette's crack" universe, they're the saddest as well. This is usually the woman of a "certain age" who is also well past the first flowering of youthful beauty, and who turns up having spent most of the evening (and day) at a pokies bar, an "over 40s" nightclub, or other similarly salubrious establishment. Needless to say, they're well and truly lubricated, inclined to either quarrelsomeness or inappropriate familiarity, and attired in a fashion that in all charity can only be described as "Skanks R Us". Naturally, hipster jeans feature prominently in the assemblage, as do low-cut tops, bad plastic surgery, fake tans, too much make-up, and hair teased and coloured to within an inch of its life. The overall effect is pitiable, and perhaps the less said about them the better...
But what all these variations have in common is the phenomenon of "plumbette's crack". As soon as a woman representative of one of these categories leans over to take something off a shelf, or grab something from the fridge, you're exposed to a "crack" so prominent your instinctive reaction is to mistake it for a slot machine and start furiously inserting coins. And, yes, I blame "hipster" jeans for this blight of unwanted feminine butt cleavage. And, yes, I blame the fashion industry for putting self-indulgence and profit ahead of dignity and health. And, yes, I blame women for being so shallow and mediocre as to allow themselves to be enslaved to this kind of aesthetic and existential stupidity. And, yes, I blame men for encouraging women in the delusion that they look "sexy" in these jeans (when in truth the blokes probably just want to get them whipped off ASAP).
But, lest I'm accused of being entirely sexist (and the less charitable among you probably already think that I am), I must confess that I have started noticing a similar trend among young men. Except that in their case, it's not so much a case of hipster jeans causing "plumber's crack" as daggy pants causing "full crack exposure". By which I mean that young men seem to have taken to into their heads in the last couple of years that wearing ultra baggy pants represents an especially attractive look - not only this, but that wearing said baggy pants not around their hips but around their thighs is an indicator of their fashionability! More than once in recent times I've had to none-too-gently require some gangling youth to be so unfashionable as to wear his pants properly and spare the rest of the sight of his boxer shorts. I just dread the day when some fool decides it's even more fashionable to go au naturale under his wilting tweeds...
So, as you gather, I'm not a fan of current fashions, pants-wise. I just hope women start following Jessica Simpson's lead (and whoever thought I'd say that) and decide that wearing jeans around their waist can be equally sexy and fashionable - but, more importantly, more consonant with their dignity as human beings. And let's hope the blokes do, too!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants; yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance - have you seen yourself retreating? (Ogden Nash)
This phenomenon, however, has developed a life of its own and extended its scope beyond tradesblokes to men in general - especially men of a particular girth who vainly or foolishly try to convince themselves they are still capable of wearing pants in their teenage size range, and who thus invariably expose more of themselves than the rest of the population cares to see. It's sad, I know, and painful to view: if some dude has to have a mid life crisis, why can't he get a comb-over or buy a Harley? Why does he have to parade in skin tight jeans, exposing all and sundry to the back of his front every time he bends down to tie his shoelaces?
And so it gives me no pleasure at all to tell you that women are well and truly in on the act. No doubt, many of you are already aware of this, but I can convey the news from a unique perspective: that of the petrol station console operator. Not only do we get to see more "plumbette's crack" than is good for us, we get to see it in its particular and varied species. Ever since Brittany Spears started poncing about in "hipster" jeans singing thinly disguised songs about sex while pretending she was still an annoyingly cute and innocent Mouseketeer (and really, did any of us believe that for a microsecond?), hordes of women and teenage girls have been brainlessly copying her bad taste and traumatising the general population as a result. And trust me, they come in all sorts, to wit:
The fashion tragic. These come in two sorts: the big (or even just average) sized girl who refuses to believe she looks bad wearing hipster jeans; and the masochists, the ones who are clearly in a good deal of physical pain from wearing tight-fitting pants, but who would be in even greater mental anguish if they thought for a minute they might wear something comfortable but unfashionable (or apparently "unsexy"). The former usually compound their error by wearing one of those body-hugging tops that only just manages to cover their midriff, leaving you wondering if the folks at Life. Be In It managed to clone a twin sister out of Norm's excess body fat. The latter usually have the fixed smile and glazed eyes of a person whom you just know is frantically telling herself I'm in pain but it's okay; I'm in pain but it's okay; I'm in pain but it's okay and who, in her more self-aware moments, is beginning to wonder why she's getting abdominal cramps even though it's not time for her period. The former are sad: you want to grab them and shake them until they understand that they can look good without the hipsters and the belly-overhang that is the preserve of pregnant women and truckies. The latter are potentially tragic and make you long for a government advertising campaign highlighting the damage to be done to spleen and kidney and other vital internal organs by inappropriately tight attire.
The wedgie. This appears to be a uniquely feminine variation on the "plumbette's crack": the woman who combines high-riding undies with low-riding jeans. The result is a strip of undie (sometimes quite a large strip of undie) peeking over the top of the pants waistband. No doubt, for knicker fetishists, this is a dream come true: no need to pinch undies off a woman's clothes line, she'll just parade them for you, risk free. And the other thing I've noticed is that the undies in question always seem to be pale blue. No kidding; just as it invariably appears that the butt framing the "plumber's crack" is pale, hairy, and heftily on the larger-than-life scale, so the wedgie variant of "plumbette's crack" invariably involves blue undies. Don't ask me why; I don't know. I figure it must be some sort of natural law, like gravity. And don't call me weird, either; you notice this sort of thing when you're a console operator. And besides, you should be asking these women why they feel it necessary to expose their undergarments in public!
The drunk. This individual is not only the bottom-feeder of the "plumbette's crack" universe, they're the saddest as well. This is usually the woman of a "certain age" who is also well past the first flowering of youthful beauty, and who turns up having spent most of the evening (and day) at a pokies bar, an "over 40s" nightclub, or other similarly salubrious establishment. Needless to say, they're well and truly lubricated, inclined to either quarrelsomeness or inappropriate familiarity, and attired in a fashion that in all charity can only be described as "Skanks R Us". Naturally, hipster jeans feature prominently in the assemblage, as do low-cut tops, bad plastic surgery, fake tans, too much make-up, and hair teased and coloured to within an inch of its life. The overall effect is pitiable, and perhaps the less said about them the better...
But what all these variations have in common is the phenomenon of "plumbette's crack". As soon as a woman representative of one of these categories leans over to take something off a shelf, or grab something from the fridge, you're exposed to a "crack" so prominent your instinctive reaction is to mistake it for a slot machine and start furiously inserting coins. And, yes, I blame "hipster" jeans for this blight of unwanted feminine butt cleavage. And, yes, I blame the fashion industry for putting self-indulgence and profit ahead of dignity and health. And, yes, I blame women for being so shallow and mediocre as to allow themselves to be enslaved to this kind of aesthetic and existential stupidity. And, yes, I blame men for encouraging women in the delusion that they look "sexy" in these jeans (when in truth the blokes probably just want to get them whipped off ASAP).
But, lest I'm accused of being entirely sexist (and the less charitable among you probably already think that I am), I must confess that I have started noticing a similar trend among young men. Except that in their case, it's not so much a case of hipster jeans causing "plumber's crack" as daggy pants causing "full crack exposure". By which I mean that young men seem to have taken to into their heads in the last couple of years that wearing ultra baggy pants represents an especially attractive look - not only this, but that wearing said baggy pants not around their hips but around their thighs is an indicator of their fashionability! More than once in recent times I've had to none-too-gently require some gangling youth to be so unfashionable as to wear his pants properly and spare the rest of the sight of his boxer shorts. I just dread the day when some fool decides it's even more fashionable to go au naturale under his wilting tweeds...
So, as you gather, I'm not a fan of current fashions, pants-wise. I just hope women start following Jessica Simpson's lead (and whoever thought I'd say that) and decide that wearing jeans around their waist can be equally sexy and fashionable - but, more importantly, more consonant with their dignity as human beings. And let's hope the blokes do, too!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants; yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance - have you seen yourself retreating? (Ogden Nash)
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Just In Case You Were Wondering....
I know, I know, I've been neglecting this blog of late - well, alright, for about the last five months. But I've been busy! The thing is, it's not something I can sum up in a few words; nor is it anything that a few thousand words will explain (and who'd read that anyway?) So what I've done is reproduce a circular email I sent out recently to a few friends (who were as equally in the dark about my recent activities) to let them know that a) I was still alive, and b) what I've been doing.
So, with due apologies for ignoring you in recent months (and with a vague promise to not to so in future), my update for the last half year...
Dear Friends:
As it has been a while since I graced you with an account of my adventures, and since I know how much you all looooooove hearing from me, I thought I'd kick off the festive season with just the right spirit and bring you all up to date with what I've been getting up to (or away with, depending on your point of view!)
Ministry
This has been a very busy and challenging year, what with study, working a couple of nights a week at the local servo, and undertaking my first year of candidacy to the ordained ministry of the UCA. However, I am pleased to say that I have successfully completed Year One (as has my Dearly Beloved) and I am presently on placement over summer to the Black Rock/Beaumaris congregation.
Apart from being a very nice place to be over Summer, Black Rock / Beaumaris has two congregations (St Andrews Black Rock, and St Martin's Beaumaris) which mens two services every Sunday. The minister there is Rev Ian Ferguson, who is very gifted liturgically, and I am learning a lot from him in terms of making a service engage with people and drawing them into a space in which a service "speaks" to them. Ian goes on leave in January, so I'll be Johnny-on-the-spot for this congregation! Exciting but nerve wracking!
My Dearly Beloved and I have also done a fair bit of itinerant preaching and are both on the roster to be preaching regularly at the Hastings/Crib Point/Balnarring congregations - thank heavens for Eastlink! The formation process - that is what the official training program is called - has been very challenging and thought provoking. One of the interesting developments over the course of this year has been that when I first became a candidate, I assumed that I would be aiming for a congregational ministry once I was ordained; however, as a result of the formation process this year, I am now inclining myself more toward chaplaincy, and in particular, industrial chaplaincy. It seems to me (and this is an observation based on the many pastoral conversations I've had with many people over a number of years, including during my period of service in the union movement) that there is a great need for the church to be "present" in society in ways other than just congregations; and given that most of us spend most of our week at work, and given also how soulless and stressful many workplaces can be, a pastoral presence that meets people in their daily context is, it seems to me, a matter of some urgency. Still, the formation process is only one third over, and much thought and reflection and discernment still need to occur before the matter of where exactly I feel I am being called to is sorted out...hopefully, next year I will be able to access a placement in an industrial context that will enable me to reflect further on this notion.
Study
This year has been full on for study - I have effectively broken the back of my study load, meaning I'll be able to go back to two subjects a semester next year - but, boy, was it hard work! My academic results have been extremely pleasing - more than one High Distinction I'm delighted to say - but what has been truly rewarding have been the insights and sense of richness of faith and understanding that have flowed from my studies. In particular, the Old Testament studies I have undertaken this year have given me a completely new insight into the theological underpinnings of many of the prophetic and wisdom books of the OT, as well as the Book of Genesis. It seems to me that the ancients were not the primitives we often condescendingly imagine them to be - typified, for example, by the view that they heard thunder and imagined this to be God's anger - but that they were in fact sophisticated and subtle theological and philosophical thinkers whose portrait of God and faith is much richer and more complex than is revealed by our tendency to read sacred texts in literal terms. Indeed, the portrait of God and faith which the ancients who produced the OT paint is one that is subversive, dark, difficult, risky, ambiguous, and immensely powerful - but most of all, is one that undermines and overthrows the simplistic notions and presuppositions of both fundamentalist religiosity and fundamentalist atheism.
I have found this area of study so enriching that although I have completed the required subjects in this field for my BTheol degree - and next year I'm switching to Philosophy and Ethics - that I'll probably do a few more Biblical Studies subjects as electives.
Novel
I know you're probably all sick of hearing about this, but my novel Hunting the Shadows is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble - and for much cheaper than buying it direct from the publisher. So if you're looking for a gift for someone who's difficult to buy for (and loves crime fiction) or you are looking for a great read (even if I do say so myself!) you can purchase yourself a copy safely and securely online.
Benediction
I hope 2008 has been as rewarding and enriching for you as it has been for me - or, at least, that the prospects for 2009 will be as equally exciting or possibility-laden.
May your Christmas and New Year for you and yours be safe, happy, and refreshing and I look forward to maybe even catching up with one or two of you in 2009.
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: News is merely that which someone who doesn't care much for anything wishes to read. (Evelyn Waugh)
So, with due apologies for ignoring you in recent months (and with a vague promise to not to so in future), my update for the last half year...
Dear Friends:
As it has been a while since I graced you with an account of my adventures, and since I know how much you all looooooove hearing from me, I thought I'd kick off the festive season with just the right spirit and bring you all up to date with what I've been getting up to (or away with, depending on your point of view!)
Ministry
This has been a very busy and challenging year, what with study, working a couple of nights a week at the local servo, and undertaking my first year of candidacy to the ordained ministry of the UCA. However, I am pleased to say that I have successfully completed Year One (as has my Dearly Beloved) and I am presently on placement over summer to the Black Rock/Beaumaris congregation.
Apart from being a very nice place to be over Summer, Black Rock / Beaumaris has two congregations (St Andrews Black Rock, and St Martin's Beaumaris) which mens two services every Sunday. The minister there is Rev Ian Ferguson, who is very gifted liturgically, and I am learning a lot from him in terms of making a service engage with people and drawing them into a space in which a service "speaks" to them. Ian goes on leave in January, so I'll be Johnny-on-the-spot for this congregation! Exciting but nerve wracking!
My Dearly Beloved and I have also done a fair bit of itinerant preaching and are both on the roster to be preaching regularly at the Hastings/Crib Point/Balnarring congregations - thank heavens for Eastlink! The formation process - that is what the official training program is called - has been very challenging and thought provoking. One of the interesting developments over the course of this year has been that when I first became a candidate, I assumed that I would be aiming for a congregational ministry once I was ordained; however, as a result of the formation process this year, I am now inclining myself more toward chaplaincy, and in particular, industrial chaplaincy. It seems to me (and this is an observation based on the many pastoral conversations I've had with many people over a number of years, including during my period of service in the union movement) that there is a great need for the church to be "present" in society in ways other than just congregations; and given that most of us spend most of our week at work, and given also how soulless and stressful many workplaces can be, a pastoral presence that meets people in their daily context is, it seems to me, a matter of some urgency. Still, the formation process is only one third over, and much thought and reflection and discernment still need to occur before the matter of where exactly I feel I am being called to is sorted out...hopefully, next year I will be able to access a placement in an industrial context that will enable me to reflect further on this notion.
Study
This year has been full on for study - I have effectively broken the back of my study load, meaning I'll be able to go back to two subjects a semester next year - but, boy, was it hard work! My academic results have been extremely pleasing - more than one High Distinction I'm delighted to say - but what has been truly rewarding have been the insights and sense of richness of faith and understanding that have flowed from my studies. In particular, the Old Testament studies I have undertaken this year have given me a completely new insight into the theological underpinnings of many of the prophetic and wisdom books of the OT, as well as the Book of Genesis. It seems to me that the ancients were not the primitives we often condescendingly imagine them to be - typified, for example, by the view that they heard thunder and imagined this to be God's anger - but that they were in fact sophisticated and subtle theological and philosophical thinkers whose portrait of God and faith is much richer and more complex than is revealed by our tendency to read sacred texts in literal terms. Indeed, the portrait of God and faith which the ancients who produced the OT paint is one that is subversive, dark, difficult, risky, ambiguous, and immensely powerful - but most of all, is one that undermines and overthrows the simplistic notions and presuppositions of both fundamentalist religiosity and fundamentalist atheism.
I have found this area of study so enriching that although I have completed the required subjects in this field for my BTheol degree - and next year I'm switching to Philosophy and Ethics - that I'll probably do a few more Biblical Studies subjects as electives.
Novel
I know you're probably all sick of hearing about this, but my novel Hunting the Shadows is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble - and for much cheaper than buying it direct from the publisher. So if you're looking for a gift for someone who's difficult to buy for (and loves crime fiction) or you are looking for a great read (even if I do say so myself!) you can purchase yourself a copy safely and securely online.
Benediction
I hope 2008 has been as rewarding and enriching for you as it has been for me - or, at least, that the prospects for 2009 will be as equally exciting or possibility-laden.
May your Christmas and New Year for you and yours be safe, happy, and refreshing and I look forward to maybe even catching up with one or two of you in 2009.
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: News is merely that which someone who doesn't care much for anything wishes to read. (Evelyn Waugh)
Monday, August 11, 2008
Let The Phoney Sentimentality Begin!
Yes, it's that time again. Once every four years, the world puts everything on hold and goes ape over the spectacle of the Olympic Games. Well, almost everything. The business of making money takes a holiday for no-one; indeed, during the Games, it probably even goes into overdrive.
And of course, the megacorps are pulling out all the stops in order to pull our patriotic heartstrings and bleed us dry of our hard-earned. All of a sudden, foreign multinationals are proudly Australian and propping every geriatric in a military uniform they kind find in front of a camera in order to assure us that they, too, share the ANZAC spirit. Naturally, this is all about celebrating the festival of the Games and supporting our guys and gals in Beijing; however, if you could see your way to buying one of their burgers, or patronising one of their shopping centres, or taking off in one of their planes, that would be nice, too.
Not that Australian companies are beyond this cynical artifice, either. Suddenly, every golden-haired glamour girl and pretty boy in a swim suit or track lycra is the quintessential Australian, representative of all our hopes and dreams - and, naturally, we're all behind them because sporting prowess is really the pinnacle of any nation's evolutionary index. So of course we'll buy all their sponsors' products, because doing less would hardly be patriotic, would it?
If you think I'm being overly cynical, watch the television broadcast of the Olympics for even a brief period, and you'll see what I mean. If the patently parochial (and frequently mindless) commentary isn't enough to do your head in, the mushy, saccharine blandishments of the commercials will have you gagging on your vomit even as you reach for the cyanide pills. No kidding, if I see one more ad about how these faceless, exploitative corporations really do care about all the Mums and Dads and kiddies out there, and how they are sooooooo grateful for all our support over the years, I'll throw myself off the top of my stack of large-print Das Kapital editions.
To be fair, it's not all bad. One of the two public broadcasters in Oz has somehow managed to snaffle secondary broadcasting rights to the Games - which is to say they've been assigned all the team and non-swimming, non-track events the commercial broadcaster thought too obscure or insufficiently ratings-friendly to cover. But I quite like this. It means you get to see stuff that otherwise would be ignored, and the level of patriotic hyperbole is kept to a bearable minimum. Except when they, too, have to cut to a commercial break so their "broadcast partners" can flog their overpriced - but eminently Australian - wares.
Oh well, it will be all over in a few days, and then we can get back to business as usual. In the meantime, if you listen very carefully, beneath the roar of the crowds and the screeching platitudes of the sports journalists, you'll notice another sound, a kind of background noise to the whole Games. It's the sound of cash registers ringing.
K'ching!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote of the Day: Capitalism - survival of the fattest. (Anonymous)
And of course, the megacorps are pulling out all the stops in order to pull our patriotic heartstrings and bleed us dry of our hard-earned. All of a sudden, foreign multinationals are proudly Australian and propping every geriatric in a military uniform they kind find in front of a camera in order to assure us that they, too, share the ANZAC spirit. Naturally, this is all about celebrating the festival of the Games and supporting our guys and gals in Beijing; however, if you could see your way to buying one of their burgers, or patronising one of their shopping centres, or taking off in one of their planes, that would be nice, too.
Not that Australian companies are beyond this cynical artifice, either. Suddenly, every golden-haired glamour girl and pretty boy in a swim suit or track lycra is the quintessential Australian, representative of all our hopes and dreams - and, naturally, we're all behind them because sporting prowess is really the pinnacle of any nation's evolutionary index. So of course we'll buy all their sponsors' products, because doing less would hardly be patriotic, would it?
If you think I'm being overly cynical, watch the television broadcast of the Olympics for even a brief period, and you'll see what I mean. If the patently parochial (and frequently mindless) commentary isn't enough to do your head in, the mushy, saccharine blandishments of the commercials will have you gagging on your vomit even as you reach for the cyanide pills. No kidding, if I see one more ad about how these faceless, exploitative corporations really do care about all the Mums and Dads and kiddies out there, and how they are sooooooo grateful for all our support over the years, I'll throw myself off the top of my stack of large-print Das Kapital editions.
To be fair, it's not all bad. One of the two public broadcasters in Oz has somehow managed to snaffle secondary broadcasting rights to the Games - which is to say they've been assigned all the team and non-swimming, non-track events the commercial broadcaster thought too obscure or insufficiently ratings-friendly to cover. But I quite like this. It means you get to see stuff that otherwise would be ignored, and the level of patriotic hyperbole is kept to a bearable minimum. Except when they, too, have to cut to a commercial break so their "broadcast partners" can flog their overpriced - but eminently Australian - wares.
Oh well, it will be all over in a few days, and then we can get back to business as usual. In the meantime, if you listen very carefully, beneath the roar of the crowds and the screeching platitudes of the sports journalists, you'll notice another sound, a kind of background noise to the whole Games. It's the sound of cash registers ringing.
K'ching!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote of the Day: Capitalism - survival of the fattest. (Anonymous)
Monday, July 28, 2008
My Life As A Cartoon
Another gem from Wiley... (click on the image to enlargen it)
'Nuff said!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: A satirist is someone who discovers unpleasant things about themselves and then says them about other people. (Peter McArthur)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
It's All About Me
I don't know if it's because I'm becoming old and grouchy, or - and this seems a much more likely reason - because in my charming naivety I've not previously noticed, but I can't get over how astonishingly inconsiderate and selfish people are in their behaviour toward one another. I don't mean the big picture stuff: oddly enough, as far as I can tell, when it comes to responding to an appeal, or helping people in serious trouble, most folks are generous to a fault. Nor do I want to suggest that people are becoming "more" selfish than they used to be, or that selfishness didn't happen in "my day" (whenever that was). Rather, it seems that it's in the arena of the daily that people just don't seem to give a toss, that they live in some kind of insular bubble that says: I'm the most important reality in the world, and screw anyone and anything that's an inconvenience or which stops me going about my day the way I see fit.
Let me give you some recent examples to illustrate my point.
Last week, my Dearly Beloved and I visited Canberra for a week, partly for pleasure and partly for a conference. We were taking a flight on one of those ultra-low-cost airlines, so, not sure if we'd get anything to eat on the flight itself, we decided to grab a bite before boarding the plane. Or, more accurately, my Dearly Beloved decided we'd have McDonalds as opposed to actually eating food. Being the controller of the family purse-strings, she stood in line to place our order and pay, while I found us a table in the cramped and overcrowded eating space. I eventually snaffled a corner table, and while idly awaiting my Dearly Beloved's arrival with our "food" (I always regard this a provisional term when it comes to McDonalds), I noticed a family of people sitting at the table next to me tucking into what seemed to be a ten course meal. There were bags and cartons and paper wrappings and plastic cups everywhere. Eventually, they completed their repast, and as one, got up and left.
Now, you'll notice I said "got up and left", NOT "tidied up their rubbish, put it in the bin, and left". Because I'm not kidding, they left their table strewn with the detritus of their meal; not merely the bags and wrappings and stuff, but half-eaten burgers, spillages of chips, and cups with congealing ice-cream products still clinging to the sides. And what made this laziness all the more astonishing was the fact that they were sitting right next to the rubbish bin! Seriously, they could have literally reached out and dumped their junk in the bin without having to stand. But no, instead of doing the right thing, they decided that either one of the staff or the next person who wanted to use a table could do their cleaning up for them; whatever they were doing, or wherever they were going, was more important than a simple act of courtesy.
This sort of thing really pisses me off. It's one of the reasons I hate eating in junk food restaurants and shopping centre food malls: the crappiness of the food aside, you have to hunt around endlessly for a table because too many lazy, thoughtless cretins have left it strewn with their garbage. Hell, the waiting staff can clean up after me; or, if the staff are too busy, then the next customer can get their hands dirty removing my leftovers. Me, I'm too busy and important to put my rubbish on a tray and take five steps out of my way to the bin.
Don't you just long to grab these people by the shirtfront and introduce them to the concept of extreme retributive violence? Just like the two women my Dearly Beloved and I encountered at the War Memorial in Canberra during our aforementioned visit to the nation's capital. We were on the alcove overlooking a vast hall filled with various fighters and bombers when the PA announced that a brief show about Australian bomber crews in WWII would be displayed on the wall opposite; the alcove on which we were standing was the viewing platform. So we settled down on some nearby seating to wait, accompanied by other people who likewise sat or stood behind the seats or to one side. There was plenty of viewing space, and two screens on the wall opposite: there would be plenty to see, I thought to myself in anticipation, especially given the alcove's safety barrier was made of thick but clear glass that enabled you to view the show.
And then along came these two women. And because they wanted the best view in the house, they came and stood right in front of us! Only two steps to the left, and they would have had a clear view of everything, and left our visual field unimpeded; but no, other people simply didn't enter into their calculations. They wanted to see the show, and screw anyone else inconvenienced in the process. Moreover, had my Dearly Beloved and I stood in order to see the show, we would have blocked the view of the people next to us, and thus set off a chain reaction of inconvenience. As a result, we were stuck with three quarters of one screen, with the other completly blocked.
I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but it's this kind of daily insensitivity and selfishness that I have begun to notice lately. And I've come to the conclusion that it's because it occurs in the realm of the day-to-day that people think that's it's not important, or can't adversely affect others, or that if it does, then the person on the receiving end should just "get over it". In other words, it's a direct consequence of the "whatever" culture in which self-absorption is a virtue and any objection to imposing upon others an unjustifiable assault on the individual's right to do as they please.
And yet this kind of stuff does matter, because it's precisely the kind of thing that can destroy a person's day, or at least annoy them to such an extent that they then become pre-occupied and do something thoughtless themselves, or have an accident, or get into a pointless argument. In other words, each act of selfishness, however trivial, is like a stone dropped into a pond: the ripples spread out from the event, affecting other aspects of life, and meeting and adding to the potency of other ripples from other events. What starts off as a careless, throw-away event come become something much more significant.
So my plea is simple: next time you're in a food court or fast food joint, please, please, please put your rubbish in the bin. Not only will you be making the environment for everyone more pleasant, you'll potentially be saving yourself from the the experience of having your shirtfront gathered up in angry fistfulls, followed shortly thereafter by a good nutting or a knee to the bollocks.
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Laziness is riding a bike over cobblestones just to knock the ash off a cigarette. (Les Dawson)
Let me give you some recent examples to illustrate my point.
Last week, my Dearly Beloved and I visited Canberra for a week, partly for pleasure and partly for a conference. We were taking a flight on one of those ultra-low-cost airlines, so, not sure if we'd get anything to eat on the flight itself, we decided to grab a bite before boarding the plane. Or, more accurately, my Dearly Beloved decided we'd have McDonalds as opposed to actually eating food. Being the controller of the family purse-strings, she stood in line to place our order and pay, while I found us a table in the cramped and overcrowded eating space. I eventually snaffled a corner table, and while idly awaiting my Dearly Beloved's arrival with our "food" (I always regard this a provisional term when it comes to McDonalds), I noticed a family of people sitting at the table next to me tucking into what seemed to be a ten course meal. There were bags and cartons and paper wrappings and plastic cups everywhere. Eventually, they completed their repast, and as one, got up and left.
Now, you'll notice I said "got up and left", NOT "tidied up their rubbish, put it in the bin, and left". Because I'm not kidding, they left their table strewn with the detritus of their meal; not merely the bags and wrappings and stuff, but half-eaten burgers, spillages of chips, and cups with congealing ice-cream products still clinging to the sides. And what made this laziness all the more astonishing was the fact that they were sitting right next to the rubbish bin! Seriously, they could have literally reached out and dumped their junk in the bin without having to stand. But no, instead of doing the right thing, they decided that either one of the staff or the next person who wanted to use a table could do their cleaning up for them; whatever they were doing, or wherever they were going, was more important than a simple act of courtesy.
This sort of thing really pisses me off. It's one of the reasons I hate eating in junk food restaurants and shopping centre food malls: the crappiness of the food aside, you have to hunt around endlessly for a table because too many lazy, thoughtless cretins have left it strewn with their garbage. Hell, the waiting staff can clean up after me; or, if the staff are too busy, then the next customer can get their hands dirty removing my leftovers. Me, I'm too busy and important to put my rubbish on a tray and take five steps out of my way to the bin.
Don't you just long to grab these people by the shirtfront and introduce them to the concept of extreme retributive violence? Just like the two women my Dearly Beloved and I encountered at the War Memorial in Canberra during our aforementioned visit to the nation's capital. We were on the alcove overlooking a vast hall filled with various fighters and bombers when the PA announced that a brief show about Australian bomber crews in WWII would be displayed on the wall opposite; the alcove on which we were standing was the viewing platform. So we settled down on some nearby seating to wait, accompanied by other people who likewise sat or stood behind the seats or to one side. There was plenty of viewing space, and two screens on the wall opposite: there would be plenty to see, I thought to myself in anticipation, especially given the alcove's safety barrier was made of thick but clear glass that enabled you to view the show.
And then along came these two women. And because they wanted the best view in the house, they came and stood right in front of us! Only two steps to the left, and they would have had a clear view of everything, and left our visual field unimpeded; but no, other people simply didn't enter into their calculations. They wanted to see the show, and screw anyone else inconvenienced in the process. Moreover, had my Dearly Beloved and I stood in order to see the show, we would have blocked the view of the people next to us, and thus set off a chain reaction of inconvenience. As a result, we were stuck with three quarters of one screen, with the other completly blocked.
I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but it's this kind of daily insensitivity and selfishness that I have begun to notice lately. And I've come to the conclusion that it's because it occurs in the realm of the day-to-day that people think that's it's not important, or can't adversely affect others, or that if it does, then the person on the receiving end should just "get over it". In other words, it's a direct consequence of the "whatever" culture in which self-absorption is a virtue and any objection to imposing upon others an unjustifiable assault on the individual's right to do as they please.
And yet this kind of stuff does matter, because it's precisely the kind of thing that can destroy a person's day, or at least annoy them to such an extent that they then become pre-occupied and do something thoughtless themselves, or have an accident, or get into a pointless argument. In other words, each act of selfishness, however trivial, is like a stone dropped into a pond: the ripples spread out from the event, affecting other aspects of life, and meeting and adding to the potency of other ripples from other events. What starts off as a careless, throw-away event come become something much more significant.
So my plea is simple: next time you're in a food court or fast food joint, please, please, please put your rubbish in the bin. Not only will you be making the environment for everyone more pleasant, you'll potentially be saving yourself from the the experience of having your shirtfront gathered up in angry fistfulls, followed shortly thereafter by a good nutting or a knee to the bollocks.
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Laziness is riding a bike over cobblestones just to knock the ash off a cigarette. (Les Dawson)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, it's 2am, I'm still wired from work, so maybe my responses to this quiz produced a warped outcome...
| You Are a Comma |
 You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time. Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to. (But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.) You excel in: Inspiring people You get along best with: The Question Mark |
Hey, don't ask me - decide for yourself!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Grammar - the grave of letters. (Elbert Hubbard)
Monday, June 09, 2008
And Just To Prove That I'm NOT Procrastinating...
See, this is important and relevant...
QED: I'm not stuffing about when I should be studying, I'm being abstract and sequential...
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Procrastination: putting off until tomorrow what you put off yesterday until today. (Laurence Peter)
| Your Thinking is Abstract and Sequential |
 You like to do research and collect lots of information. The more facts you have, the easier it is for you to learn. You need to figure things out for yourself and consider all possibilities. You tend to become an expert in the subjects that you study. It's difficult for you to work with people who know less than you do. You aren't a very patient teacher, and you don't like convincing people that you're right. |
QED: I'm not stuffing about when I should be studying, I'm being abstract and sequential...
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: Procrastination: putting off until tomorrow what you put off yesterday until today. (Laurence Peter)
The Analysis Continues Unabated....
I told you I wasn't &*!@&!! negative!!!
You Are a Little Negative... |
 You can be negative from time to time, but you rarely go overboard. You have a realistic view of the world, and most people appreciate your honest insights. Like everyone else, you have your darker moods. But when you're feeling super negative, you keep your feelings to yourself. |
And anyway, apophatic theology is good for you!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: A pessimist is merely what an optimist calls a realist. (Anon)
Saturday, June 07, 2008
And Just To Prove To You That I'm NOT A Nutbar...
See, I told you so!
Live long and prosper!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: I don't believe in aliens living on planets as such, but I do believe there's stuff going on in this room that none of us have any idea about. (Barry Sonnenfeld)
There's a 16% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens |
 There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens. But there's always hope for the future! |
Live long and prosper!
Talk to you soon,
BB.
Quote for the Day: I don't believe in aliens living on planets as such, but I do believe there's stuff going on in this room that none of us have any idea about. (Barry Sonnenfeld)
And Just To Show You All That It's A Load Of Bollocks....
Index fingers, take note!
You get the point?
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: One finger in the throat and one finger in the rectum makes for a good diagnostician. (Sir William Osler)
| You Are a Ring Finger |
 You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger |
You get the point?
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: One finger in the throat and one finger in the rectum makes for a good diagnostician. (Sir William Osler)
No Oedipal Complexes Here!
Having just taken the Ice Cream Personality Test, I couldn't resist letting ol' Sigmund having a go, either. And, I have to say, Doc Freud is pretty well on the mark!
Naturally, any objections will be noted and ignored in due course!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: A psychiatrist is the only person who goes to a strip show in order to watch the audience. (Mervyn Stockwood)
You Are in the Genital Stage of Development |
 According to Dr. Freud, you've reached the genital stage of development. Whatever issues you may have had in your childhood have been resolved. You don't have any hang ups, and you are able to function as a stable adult. You are the model of being well-adjusted, and you are able to balance your life beautifully. |
Naturally, any objections will be noted and ignored in due course!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: A psychiatrist is the only person who goes to a strip show in order to watch the audience. (Mervyn Stockwood)
The Rum n Raisin Personality Test...
As I have just completed an outstanding task, I thought I'd reward myself by posting one of those blogthing quizzes (and besides, it's been a while since I indulged). And speaking of indulgence, I couldn't go past the Ice Cream Personality Test. And this is what resulted:
Personally, I think it's a tad contradictory in parts. On the other hand, I suspect many of you who know me will think it's spot on!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream. (Wallace Stevens)
Your Ice Cream Personality: |
 You are a bit of a bragger. Your personality is larger than life - and you really enjoy showing off. You are incredibly cautious. You rather miss out on something than make a mistake. No one would ever call you wild... but they would call you responsible. You are a somewhat open minded person, but deep down you're fairly conservative. You don't like trying new things very much. And if you do find something new you like, you stick with it. You tend to have a one track mind. You prefer not to multitask. You can be a big dramatic and over the top sometimes. You are bold in every way |
Personally, I think it's a tad contradictory in parts. On the other hand, I suspect many of you who know me will think it's spot on!
Talk to you soon,
BB
Quote for the Day: The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream. (Wallace Stevens)
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