Handbags and Hyperspace

According to string theory physicists, the tiny slice of reality which humans perceive could in fact be made up of as many as 12 different spatial dimensions, each with their own laws of physicality, and each of which interact with the universe we know in strange and mysterious ways.

Well, I’ve got news for the string theorists: they missed an additional dimension.

Women’s handbags.

No kidding, woman’s handbags are either a different dimension of reality, or they’re an example of extremely localised, highly mobile black holes. Or both.

Have you noticed how capacious a woman’s handbag is? The sheer volume of stuff women can cram into their handbags is truly astonishing. Mind you, when it actually comes to recovering anything from said handbag, that’s a completely different proposition. Stand in a shopping queue while the woman in front of you rummages for her purse, then her credit card, then her frequent shopper/bonus points/fly-buy card, and you’ll know what I mean. The universe might very well be in that handbag - and it takes all eternity to find anything in it, too.

The way I have it figured, the inner space of a woman’s handbag is essentially infinite. It can expand indefinitely to accommodate whatever gets shoved into the bag. The only problem is, once any matter passes into a woman‘s handbag, it is instantly whisked away to an alternative dimension, rendering it impervious to the demands of utility or the fact that the bloke in the queue behind her is busting for a pee and needs to get home in a real hurry.

I know this sounds unlikely - but let’s face it, until ol’ Albert Einstein stumbled across relativity, you would also have thought the concept of time dilation extremely improbable. And if what quantum mechanics tells us is true, there are sub-atomic particles out there which don’t have any mass and which can be in two places at once. Even weirder than this is that fact that there are still people who insist that the world is flat, the universe was created in seven days, and that reality TV isn’t just an excuse to perve on other people and think ourselves smugly superior.

Compared to any of the above, what I’m proposing sounds positively straightforward.

So if you’re the kind of sad unfortunate who wishes they could get away from it all and sail off into the alternative reality sunset for thrilling adventures and encounters with strange life forms, forget the Star Trek conventions. Escape is close at hand. In fact, it’s as close as the nearest woman’s handbag. Just calmly approach the next woman you see and ask if you can stick your head into her handbag.

Go on, give it a try. It could be fun to see what happens. I mean - what could possibly go wrong?

Talk to you soon,

BB